Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
