Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
