is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
