i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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