We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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