Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
