Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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