You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
