My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
