remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
