I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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