You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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