I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
