I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
