My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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