Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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