I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
