my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
