My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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