At least make sure they are 18
Why
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
