I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
