She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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