so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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