He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
