Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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