guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
