SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
