I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
