what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
