I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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