the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
