He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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