trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
