I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
