do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
