he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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