Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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