Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
