Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
