the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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