Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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