Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
