Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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