just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
