The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
