i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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