It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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