you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
