There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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