holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
