So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
