somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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