How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
birth control should be required to get into college
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
