woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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