I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
