I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
