Plan B is the new Plan A
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
