Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
