Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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