do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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