We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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