How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
