cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
