She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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