dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
